positivenegative

i can't help but feel as if something is about to go wrong.
i'm not one for superstition, black cats do not make me shake and i don't obsess over the ground my feet walk on. but there's something so terribly wrong with the sudden arrival of the amount of raccoons crawling from the sewer and stalking my yard. sitting on the steps under my carport tonight, there were too many of the creepy-crawlies coating the siding of the house, the tires on my parents' car, caught in the spiderwebs.

i probably watched the same skinny slug traversing the siding, unsure of where to settle or if the path it was taking would even provide a place to go. watch the slug, watch the pathetic beetle on the concrete struggle on it's back, turn back to the slug. to my right another beetle trying in vain to escape a fresh spider web. roaches crawling the bushes, up the drive way, over the car tires, headlights, grill, hood.

my stomach tightened. pitched. rolled.
it's a fucking infestation.
apocalypse, 5.0
storm's a-brewin.

all these tiny creatures seem so harmless. sure, they always come out at night. but i just can't ditch the uneasy feeling that night-roaches bring, memories of years ago when nights were spent sneaking out and hanging out with the "wrong crowd". when i was becoming something as disgusting as the army of insects i crushed under my weight with every step.

i'm not becoming anything anymore.
i want to cling to anything solid for fear of floating away but i am too afraid of fixing myself to something nomadic.

my eyes refocused. the beetle finally rolled on to it's stomach. stand, throw the cigarette in a bush, move on.